That's Right Kids

It's time for yet another installment of Prof McQuain quotes. These are from the last month:

"Teaching freshmen causes braindamage. I haven't taught them for a couple years and forgot how dumb they are. I mean, they're nice enough kids, but...it's kinda like having houseplants." -McQuain

"I'm thinking of marketing my handwriting as an encryption technology." -McQuain

"How many of you want me to make this project harder? (no hands) Okay, I know there are a few super-geeks out there who would want this, but you won't raise your hands because you'll get pencils jabbed through your armpits." -McQuain

"I read that the U.S. lost $50-70 billion due to software defects. I think many of those defects are a manifestation of the phenomenom that the user is an idiot." -McQuain

"I'm for promoting natural selection. If I were in charge, I'd have steel walls rise up out of the pavement when a stoplight turns red." -McQuain

"Vocab word for today is 'conflation'. Conflation means taking two completely unrelated things and trying to combine them into one similar thing. Politicians do this all the time. I wish I could stand behind them and smack them with a stick every time they conflated things. If that were the case, each of the guys running for president this year wouldn't have anything left above their collarbone." -McQuain

"I've come down with this illness and feel like crap. Doctor says I'm in the final stages of it apparently. What exactly he means by "final stages", I don't know, but if I die, you all get F's. I've alreay put that in my will." -McQuain

"You know it's bad when you cough things up and they start crawling around." -McQuain

"We take the process aside, give it a fatherly pat on the back and say "sorry, you asked for something you can't have", then we shoot it in the head." -McQuain

"Going from C++ to Java is like going from a Porsche to a Chevette." -McQuain

"I'm usually not sympathetic to anything in life, but teaching freshman seems to have softened my brain." -McQuain

"This college has the stupidest final exam schedule of any college I know. They must have been smoking some good stuff over at Buruss when they did this." -McQuain

"We'll be talking about file systems when you get back from break. Be sure to be plenty caffinated before then. Talking about file systems is like talking about baseball with Prof. Barnette. Let me climb to the top of the stadium so that I can watch all of the grass grow at once." -McQuain

"I will be back on campus briefly on Saturday, but I'm on break. DO NOT try to find me. It's been a number of years since a professor killed a student for asking for help, but that just might do it." -McQuain