Thursday, March 11, 2010

Despre Moarte

Death is a weird thing.
The fact that someone, or something that is so full of life, so dynamic, so interesting, and so meaningful can be fully here one minute and fully not here the next is hard to comprehend. It seems to reach beyond what we understand, into the spiritual realm that only our souls can sort of grasp, but even then, it seems but a glimpse.

This morning, I was driving into work. About 3 cars in front of me, a deer came into the road. It was weird. I'm not sure if it jumped the guard rail and then got hit, or flopped into the road. Basically, it looked like it was having a seizure, flopped over the guard rail, then bounced off a car. It was left there writhing in agony on Route 29. I swerved to miss it.

The deer really put me in a somber mood for the day. Poor thing didn't intend to die that way, I'm sure. It was probably in pain for who knows how long. It would have been much happier and still been alive if circumstances were slightly changed.

Later this afternoon, I learned that an old friend of mine, Greg Jones, had died of cancer. To say the least, I've been in shock. I had no idea that he had cancer, or that it was so bad. I wish I had known. To hear of Greg passing is almost as much of a shock to me as him getting hit by a car. Only, its almost worse, because I could have known leading up to this, and could have gone up to see him and spent some time with him. But as it stands, its too late. Its hard to believe that he's really gone. I've been out of touch with him for years now, since high school and early college. So, having him gone doesn't affect my life too much- meaning that its hard for me to "miss" him in the way people closer to him do. I'm struggling to wrap my mind around the fact that he's died and what that really means. I tend to go for the "why" questions. Why did Greg deserve to have cancer so young? Why is cancer even allowable in God's world? How can it be so deadly so fast? Why Greg?

I miss Greg for sure though. I spent a good while this evening sitting on the porch in the rain storm. It seemed an appropriate scenario to reflect on Greg and the times we shared. I never knew him extremely well, but the times we shared were always good. I've had some of the best laughs of my life with him as we drove around Lowes Island in a golf cart. He had one of the most unique senses of humor of anyone I know- he would just crack me up! I remember introducing him to Classic Rock after he had been into rap music. Man, he really took a liking to Classic Rock! It was unbelievable- he really got into it and we had a blast listening to old tunes together. :) I remember him getting his green Integra- he loved zipping around in that thing. He used to come over and hang out with Jon a lot playing video games and such. Even earlier than that, we all played baseball together. I think the last time I saw Greg was a few years ago when I was randomly down in Leesburg at a billiards place hanging out with some friends and ran into him there! I remember it felt great just to be in his presence and chat awhile. He was always soft spoken and undemanding like that.

Greg was a good guy for sure. I wish I could have gotten back in touch with him. Its so hard though. I have so many friends from the past, that its hard to keep up with everyone. I care about them and want to stay in touch, but it seems like there's a definite quantity of friends that you can stay active with at any point in your life. I dunno...

Back to the deer. This evening, I saw a fairly young deer in our back yard nibbling away at our foliage. She was pretty trusting of me and I enjoyed watching her walk around and eventually bounce off into the woods. It made me think of the deer I watched die this morning and the circle of life. Its all so hard to make sense of and to put into any sort of words or perspectives. All I know is that all of this just makes my soul long for Heaven and to be with God in His goodness. I feel like many of David's Psalms where he just yearns to be freed of this life and its hardships. When you really think on them, the burdens of this world are so heavy. I have to turn them over to God, lest I get crushed and depressed by them.

But I do and will miss Greg.

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