Tuesday, July 13, 2004

so this is life

So, let's recap the pointlessness that was yesterday. Went into work at 11:45, did essentially nothing, worked only 5 hours + lunch break and came home at 5:15. Then spent the evening doing lots of stuff that I've been meaning to do forever. Most of it concerning planning for moving into my new place in a couple weeks and also preparing for all the stuff I have to do this weekend. Planning, preparing, more planning, etc, etc. Ugh, it was annoying and I really stressed myself out before bed. I don't think I've ever slept worse than I did last night. I just couldn't sleep. Had so many thoughts about everything racing through my head constantly and I just couldn't mellow out. Oh well. I'm up and back here in paradise.

Deep Thoughts of the Day:
EVer since I woke up yesterday, I'm just dying. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just feel like a ball of pent-up agression and callous bitterness and I feel like I'm going to explode. I've just been holding so much inside of me for so long and killing my temptations and I'm like at my breaking point. The DMB song below describes my current mood. I just want to break loose and not care. But I know I can't, I musn't...but its killing me. I've lost the peacefullness that I had a couple days ago and I don't know where it went. I need to find it and fast. I will say this though...I feel better than I did when I got here a little while ago. I was really dying then, but after a couple websites I visited (see below) I am feeling better. I've found that laughter is one of the best remedies for being pissed off. :) Now I just want to figure out why I've been pissed off. I really have no good reason to be cause life is good. Well sorta. I think my job got me down yesterday when I realized AGAIN how much it sucks and nobody really cares about anything. Then some other thoughts got me down on my luck later on and then stressing over planning and scheduling last night did me in too. Then I really let traffic this morning get under my skin. People were being terrible on the road this morning and I was just going along *slowly* like I've been doing and just taking it all in and trying not to worry. But then I just broke. Couldn't take it anymore. Once I got to the Beltway I just let it fly and played some Nascar and it felt GREAT. It's been so long since I've done 40 over. I really got some aggression out there. The bad thing about that is, it was a temporary fix. It felt great intially, but then after the fact, I felt guilty and even more pissed at life. So, no more of that. But now I feel better. I needed to get this out on paper. Feels good to. I need help, haha. :-S

Link of the Day:
(stole this from Joey, but its too great to only be in one blog)


Quote of the Day:
(stolen from somebody's signature on a forum I visited this morning)

"Whenever I feel depressed and unhappy with myself, all I really have to do is remind myself that statistically, four or five people each year die when they attack Coke machines, which then fall on them."

Cheers! :)

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